We all experience moments that we find to be extremely embarrassing in the heat of the moment, only to enjoy telling these embarrassing moments to everyone as our lives continue. I had other ideas of what to write this morning, but I wanted to get these out of the way and hopefully give everyone a few laughs. I find it better that I can laugh at myself instead of hide in a hole for all these years and worry about not telling people these hilarious moments. So with that I bring to you story number one.
"A dinner setting" by Andrew Michael Barrett
It's around 5 o'clock in the evening in the Larsen household and we are all about to sit around for a nice family dinner (this was a common occurrence for me). Sure enough Mrs. Larsen yells up the stairs "Dinner is ready!" so Chris and I stop what we're doing and head downstairs. If I remember right, everyone except Lauren was home for that meal, so that would mean Mr. and Mrs. Larsen, Katie, Jessica and Ben would be joining along also. We all gathered our seats and we said a prayer. Soup was the meal of the night and it was good! I remember everyone saying it was too hot (larsen's have very sensitive mouths) but it wasn't, as dinner went along we laughed and talked about how our days went and of course I kept eating, I usually was the person who was ordered to keep eating more...I'm sure my size had something to do with it. No sooner then 15 minutes into our meal did everything turn into a complete awkward mess. Sitting in my wonderfully made wooden chair I hear a slight crack, a crack that would bring out the "deer in headlights" look. I looked over at Chris, as he heard the noise as well..and we looked at each other as if to mentally say "OH GOD." Before anyone else knew what was going on, my big, massive self fell through this poor wooden chair as if it were in slow motion...I split those legs so fast that I had no chance to catch myself. I remember sitting on nothing but a butt stool and being able to see everyones faces over the table since I was so tall. I will never forget those faces...EVER. With Chris and I laughing almost to tears I remember Mrs. Larsen say "Ohhh Andrew" followed with Mr. Larsen "That chair needed to be fixed anyway" trying to be nice about the situation, but what a pile of bologna. A broken chair and a soup dinner later I have a story to tell, and I will tell it for years to come.
"Bringin' down the house"
It was a hot summer day back in my middle school years and Craig, Gerald and myself were walking our way back from some time spent with our friends Amber and Jana. We walked everywhere that summer, and I never complained once about it..but as we had gotten back into the neighborhood where Craig lived, they decided it would be funny to run back to the house...and for me, that wasn't funny, I was and still to this day am a Big Boy and I will have none of those shenanigans, so I let them run ahead and beat me to the house. As I shook the ground with every step I took closer to the house I came up to the front door, I reached out and put my thumb on the door handle and pushed..."Gerald's foot is in the door" I thought to myself, so I said "Gerald, move your foot" and got no response. I was already irritated because they decided to run when I didn't want to. So I hit the door with my shoulder and said "Gerald, move your foot" and AGAIN! he didn't say anything. I had enough, I threatened him ( I don't remember with what ) but I made sure I put fear into his ears. Turns out my reactions were probably what put the fear in him..but instead of his ears, he got to see it with his eyes. I have never known my own strength, so with that I took my left shoulder and I hit the door for the last time. I couldn't see...wood chips and debris filled the air as I stood on top of the door inside the house. I had just smashed through the Lehman's front door, a door that was massive and made of oak. As I stood there, I saw two figures to my right just standing there...Craig not saying much of anything, and Gerald, laughing so hard with the memorable laugh that he has. All I remember saying was, "I can't see" over and over again. I cleaned my eyes out and then we had to call Craig's parents and let them know what the local giant had done. Thankfully, they loved me enough to the point where it wasn't a friendship breaker. And with a new door put in, and a new kitchen and new paint and updated appliances, I got thanked for getting them into a re-modeling phase ( probably just saying that to be nice ) but I said "you're welcome."
Those are just a few of the memories I have, and as horrific as they might seem, I can promise you that they were epic. I think we all have awesome stories like this and I think they need to be shared with everyone. Hopefully you guys have laughed a little in trying to picture these moments. Big thanks to the Larsen's and Lehman's for being good sports when it came to the destruction I caused. With that, I leave you with the quote from Kanye West, feat. Lauryn Hill.
"It all falls down"
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